Hey…

Well I was realy wanting to start a blog from a long time…but never came down to it and thats quite understandable considering my laziness…

anyways finally, here I am..all set to start pouring out my feelings..

I was thinking a lot about where do I start from?? An important topic, event, day??

so I’ll start with the topic that comes really naturally to me…My Mom…

yeah..I know its nothin new and nothin special and You might wonder why You would want to waste your time and read it?? Well I have no reasons…I just have my emotions…and I am going to trust them to touch you and make this worth your time…

well…I am 18 n half years old….and like any other girl I love my mom a lot…she is the center of my world…my life…

She is not only my mom..but my friend , confidante, problem solver…

she is my luck and my faith…

and now the reason why this post is named 6months…its coz..its 6 months since my mom passed away…

hmm….well in many ways was expecting it…but kept running away from the reality that it could happen to me…I mean I didnt deserve it…

yeah I cried…still do…gosh…I miss her mahn….a lot…terribly…

Life’s not been the same since….and can never be…

in the last 6 months…I ve seen life more closely…how it takes you to the top and brings you down with a fall you’ve never expected…

I’ve also valued my mom more ever since…the small things she used to do for me…her presence..her smell….the taste of her hand made food…her advice…everything…

today I could do anything to just get one glimpse of her face or to hear her voice..anything that could heal my heart….yes, my heart’s broken…and i miss my mom with every piece of it…

I’ve tried to be strong, keep smiling, talk to everyone, go out with friends and yes i’ve succeeded….wat I’ve not succeeded at is to go back to living…the real living…

You know Mom used to love my smile…she used to say it makes other peole forget their sorrows…i do smile today too…but it just doesnt reach my eyes…and I hate it…but I cant help it…

I miss her when I go out shopping and can’t decide what to buy…when I need advice and she’s not there…When i get lonely all of a sudden and wait for her hand to pat my head…when I eat food and try to find her taste in it…when I come home and all I find is emptiness….

I know I shouldn’t be so sad…coz I know she is up there happy and looking at me from above…watching my pain,my tears,my loneliness and maybe somewhere even crying with me…but its not easy to be brave anymore…

believe me..its the worst kind of pain…not physically..but emotionally…i really wish all this grief wasnt true…

you know..when sumthing bad happens to us…we always have someone to blame for it…circumstances,fate, a person..anything…and it eases our pain somwhere….

I cant blame anyone or anything…not even God…coz I know…that He has a reason when He took away my mom from me at a time in life when I need her the most….I’ve accepted it…

Life’s not fair as the say…but then its still good…I know I have a lot to live…a lot to do…and I ll do it…for mom…

I’ll study well, buy those gold bangles my mom wanted from my first salary,learn to make hot chapatis…and be better person than I am…

I’m just waiting patiently for the day when I won’t feel this pain soo much…I just hope it comes…soon….

i regret a lot of things in life especially where my mom is concerned….but the thing I regret the most is…not telling her enough that I loved her…that she was my world…and now…I say it almost everyday…hoping that she is hearing it…

so all I’d like to say is…make it a point to tell your loved ones…how much they mean to you..that you really love them….

6 months have passed since the worst day of my life….but yes these 6 months have also taught me and molded me into a new person….

I’ll just end here hoping that the next 6 months would go better…and asking God to give me strength to face all that lies ahead…..

♥♥♥

The Survivor…